So I’m texting with my very best favorite person in my universe. Of the many things my cousin did right in his life, marrying his wife so we could be the best of the best is the top 1 of my list. She’s in California and I am currently in Louisiana. (don’t freak Other Favorite persons of mine and think…wait, but I’m in Hawaii/South Carolina/Pennsylvania/not California).
Of course part of our text includes the usual “Wish I could just come over (sad face emoji)” and then…our 10 Things to say if you were FILTHY STINKING RICH happened. And it was the best text message session ever.
1. “Your Jet or Mine?”
D’uh. Why wouldn’t we own jets? We obviously would up our transportation game!
2. “To the Batmobile”
Look, when you are rich, you can buy the stupidest things to just….have. No other reason. And how pretentious does that sound to say. When holding a cup of tea or health smoothie.
3. “Ursala, fetch me my tea!”
So obviously I rang a little bell to call for Ursala. And because I’m filthy rich, I changed her name. She was Rhonda. And i didn’t like it, so I started calling her Ursala. Because I can. I’m filthy rich. I know, as parents we can do this very thing with our kids…but it’s different. We aren’t filthy rich.
4. “Notify the staff, I’m heading to the beach house”
Doesn’t every rich person have a beach house? And doesn’t every rich person have staff to keep it looking marvelous?
5. “Ew, Tahiti again?”
You know damn well, this is not something us normal folk would ever say. So, I’m figuring the filthy rich talk just like how I eww my husband when he suggests his usual alien TV shows for the 1 millionth time.
6. {whisper to best person} “Awkwardddddd, Uncle Duke of Something showed up to Prince Blah Blah’s knighting!”
So, yes, I just finished watching the first season of “The Crown” on Netflix. And I’m all about royal this, and royal that. And I know that if filthy rich, I would be “on the list” to said knighting and I would so be gossiping with my person about the Uncle Duke showing up without his wife {again} who’s been divorced but not allowed to any galas/parties/grass cutting parties of any sort.
7. “The thermostat in the champagne room is broken”
When we talk champagne room, we don’t mean that seedy disgusting room in a strip club. We mean the beautiful walk in room built in your mega mansion to house anything bubbly. Currently, my bubbly, if lucky, pushes for room next to my coffee creamer and ketchup in the door of my 10 year old refrigerator.
8. “Ursala, these are the WRONG Loboutins, you imbecile!”
Don’t feel sorry for Ursala…I pay her well so she doesn’t care what I say to her. (Don’t hate the game, remember, I’m filthy rich and this is how they talk).
So we both didn’t know if we spelled this correct when coming up with this one. We spell words like T A R G E T and W A L M A R T. You think we have room for $1100.00 shoes (I’m assuming that’s only for one shoe and you still have to pay for the other because that’s how filthy rich people rich.).
9. “What do you mean Chef Nobu is BUSY? Tell Jimmy he had him last week?”
We love sushi. My person loves sushi. I assume his stuff is amazeballs. So it’s imperative that amazeball things on on payroll to supply our thirst for amazeball sustenance.
10. “Oprah called and is running late”
Me and Oprah will have a running date for Coffee at Starbucks so we can walk in and tell every regular person…”You get a coffee, you get a coffee, EVERYONEEEEEEE gets a coffee” It will be magical and how I give back. {Tear}
And there you have it. 10 obnoxious things we would say if we were filthy rich. Sigh. Now, back to our regularly scheduled life of being….NOT filthy rich.
Linking up with all these great linky parties here!
Why wouldn't you want to read what I would say if I was filthy rich? #RichPeopleSay Click To Tweet
What gems do you have that would probably come out of your mouth if you were FILTHY rich?
Aloha, I’m Selena, The Rambler of My Rambling Thoughts. A storyteller, wife & mother just trying to make it to the next day by hunting for the funny to stay sane! I inhale coffee to keep my brain functioning. I occasionally binge on Netflix. I beg my dog to just leave the toilet paper alone for one second when I’m using the potty, and I pray to all that is holy I can get through a homework session without breaking Google for whatever is making my child smarter for her future. And I humorously navigate my new life as a military spouse without embarrassing my husband wherever the Army sends us. Did I forget anything?
“Mortimer (the help), I have to go to the slums pull around last years Bentley for the trip” because you know I get a new luxury car every year. This year is a Aston Martin. Haha.
hahahaha!!!! Love this one Cat =)
My fav is defo Oprah and buying coffees, I love this #eatsleepblogrt
Right! One time…I just want to do this one time…..maybe I’ll wait until there’s only ONE person in Starbucks and run in screaming it and say hurry, hurry before someone else walks in?
Don’t do it during the Christmas season – it’s packed
If you read the news one day about a crazy woman claiming to be Oprah trying to buy everyone coffee….you’ll know. Just look away. =)
haha love this! I can imagine very well saying them all! Just in my dreams lol #happynowlinkup
Thanks for the love today =) And yes, sadly…this is only in my dreams.
Love this and would add that I was out spending a few grand shopping again LOL 😉
We absolutely had fun doing this list! Going to make it a fun series now =) Oh, how I wish for that to come out of my mouth when shopping!
LOL! This post is life! I love the thermostat in the champagne room being broken. I’d like to add “I’ll take the Louboutins in every color.” 🙂 Happy #TIUT
Hahaha! Love your addition. Because being filthy rich means you don’t have to decide which color to get…you can just get them all.
hahaha this made me LOL. I would call everyone “dahling” with a fake British accent.
Oh, I like that one, Dahling. =)
The Champagne fridge is very important indeed. I often day dream about that Ab Fab fridge, I remember it clearly! #bestandworst
Lol Soooo enjoyed reading this….. just goes to show how much of a commoner I am, I can’t even get into the mindset of the filthy rich and come up with something to say! 🙂
It totally took a combined effort to make this post happen. Thanks for visiting =)
This made me smile…just watching The Crown myself and not going to be able to watch it with a straight face now. I like the idea of champagne!! Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst xx
I can’t wait for season 2. My in laws are from England and after watching the season, I was like…whoaaaa, you Brits are so scandalous =) haha.
Haha! I might be able to say these in sleep some night. My husband can just ignore me and put a pillow over his head.
Haha! Love this! I’d say…you put me in First Class 1A? WTF…you know I only like seat 2A on the plane.
If only those were our problems. #madaboutblog
And this is why we would have our own jets. haha. Thanks for visiting =)
Ha ha, if only!
#Bestandworst
This list will be the closest I ever get to being filthy rich. WAHHHHHHH. =)
I found your blog on Top Mommy Blogs, and I love it (even though I’m a dad 🙂 It’s full of practical advice and really helpful hints!
I’m a father of four and I recently wrote a parenting book myself. I hope it has some humble suggestions you could use on your awesome blog.
The eBook is free on Amazon from 11/25 to 11/28 by searching: “How to Raise Great Kids – 101 Fun & Easy Ideas” or I’d be happy to send you a free paperback copy if you send me your address.
I admire your work very much, and I hope you’ll appreciate mine someday soon, too. Thanks and keep up all your outstanding efforts!
Hope you had a great Turkey Day!!!
Batmobile…definitely. If we ever become filthy rich, I’ll let you know what we say (as if). Have a great weekend!
Crossing fingers…we will one day be filthy rich.
“Oh, Catalina Island is so cute! I’ll take it.” Rich people buying things that aren’t even for sale . . .
bahahahaha….good one!!! I already bought it. (said the other rich person who clearly doesn’t care if islands aren’t for sale). love your comment =)
I have read this before…but I just love it! If only we had these problems, right!
Something right if it gets another read =)
Lmao Oprah called and is running late! Too funny and I would probably say all of these things if i were filthy rich. Thanks for haring on #TurnItUpTuesday
Thanks for visiting =) Still not filthy rich…wahhhhhhh.
Such silliness…such a fun read. 🙂