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10 things to say if you were filthy rich.

November 20, 2016 by The Rambler 34 Comments

 

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So I’m texting with my very best favorite person in my universe.  Of the many things my cousin did right in his life, marrying his wife so we could be the best of the best is the top 1 of my list.  She’s in California  and I am currently in Louisiana.   (don’t freak Other Favorite persons of mine and think…wait, but I’m in Hawaii/South Carolina/Pennsylvania/not California).

Of course part of our text includes the usual “Wish I could just come over (sad face emoji)” and then…our 10 Things to say if you were FILTHY STINKING RICH happened.  And it was the best text message session ever.

1. “Your Jet or Mine?”

D’uh.  Why wouldn’t we own jets?  We obviously would up our transportation game!

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2. “To the Batmobile”

Look, when you are rich, you can buy the stupidest things to just….have.  No other reason.  And how pretentious does that sound to say.  When holding a cup of tea or health smoothie.

3.  “Ursala, fetch me my tea!”

So obviously I rang a little bell to call for Ursala.  And because I’m filthy rich, I changed her name.  She was Rhonda.  And i didn’t like it, so I started calling her Ursala.  Because I can.  I’m filthy rich.  I know, as parents we can do this very thing with our kids…but it’s different.  We aren’t filthy rich.

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4. “Notify the staff, I’m heading to the beach house”

Doesn’t every rich person have a beach house?  And doesn’t every rich person have staff to keep it looking marvelous?

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5. “Ew, Tahiti again?”

You know damn well, this is not something us normal folk would ever say.  So, I’m figuring the filthy rich talk just like how I eww my husband when he suggests his usual alien TV shows for the 1 millionth time.

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6.  {whisper to best person} “Awkwardddddd, Uncle Duke of Something showed up to Prince Blah Blah’s knighting!”

So, yes, I just finished watching the first season of “The Crown” on Netflix.  And I’m all about royal this, and royal that. And I know that if filthy rich, I would be “on the list” to said knighting and I would so be gossiping with my person about the Uncle Duke showing up without his wife {again} who’s been divorced but not allowed to any galas/parties/grass cutting parties of any sort.

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7.  “The thermostat in the champagne room is broken”

When we talk champagne room, we don’t mean that seedy disgusting room in a strip club.  We mean the beautiful walk in room built in your mega mansion to house anything bubbly.   Currently, my bubbly, if lucky, pushes for room next to my coffee creamer and ketchup in the door of my 10 year old refrigerator.

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8. “Ursala, these are the WRONG Loboutins, you imbecile!”

Don’t feel sorry for Ursala…I pay her well so she doesn’t care what I say to her.  (Don’t hate the game, remember, I’m filthy rich and this is how they talk).

So we both didn’t know if we spelled this correct when coming up with this one.  We spell words like T A R G E T and W A L M A R T.  You think we have room for $1100.00 shoes (I’m assuming that’s only for one shoe and you still have to pay for the other because that’s how filthy rich people rich.).

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9. “What do you mean Chef Nobu is BUSY?  Tell Jimmy he had him last week?”

We love sushi.   My person loves sushi.  I assume his stuff is amazeballs.  So it’s imperative that amazeball things on on payroll to supply our thirst for amazeball sustenance.

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10.  “Oprah called and is running late”

Me and Oprah will have a running date for Coffee at Starbucks so we can walk in and tell every regular person…”You get a coffee, you get a coffee, EVERYONEEEEEEE gets a coffee”  It will be magical and how I give back.  {Tear}

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And there you have it.  10 obnoxious things we would say if we were filthy rich.  Sigh.  Now, back to our regularly scheduled life of being….NOT filthy rich.

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Why wouldn't you want to read what I would say if I was filthy rich? #RichPeopleSay Click To Tweet

 

 

What gems do you have that would probably come out of your mouth if you were FILTHY rich?

 

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The Rambler
The Rambler

Aloha, I’m Selena, The Rambler of My Rambling Thoughts. A storyteller, wife & mother just trying to make it to the next day by hunting for the funny to stay sane! I inhale coffee to keep my brain functioning. I occasionally binge on Netflix. I beg my dog to just leave the toilet paper alone for one second when I’m using the potty, and I pray to all that is holy I can get through a homework session without breaking Google for whatever is making my child smarter for her future. And I humorously navigate my new life as a military spouse without embarrassing my husband wherever the Army sends us. Did I forget anything?

www.myramblingthoughts.org

Filed Under: 10 Things We'd Say, Blog Tagged With: funny, humor, mommy life, rich people

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Rambler Recall-So a woman walks into a house…A Thanksgiving Tale
I don’t want to adult today. I don’t.

Comments

  1. Cat says

    November 21, 2016 at 2:23 pm

    “Mortimer (the help), I have to go to the slums pull around last years Bentley for the trip” because you know I get a new luxury car every year. This year is a Aston Martin. Haha.

    Reply
    • The Rambler says

      November 21, 2016 at 2:31 pm

      hahahaha!!!! Love this one Cat =)

      Reply
  2. Fridgesays says

    November 21, 2016 at 2:40 pm

    My fav is defo Oprah and buying coffees, I love this #eatsleepblogrt

    Reply
    • The Rambler says

      November 21, 2016 at 3:02 pm

      Right! One time…I just want to do this one time…..maybe I’ll wait until there’s only ONE person in Starbucks and run in screaming it and say hurry, hurry before someone else walks in?

      Reply
      • Fridgesays says

        November 21, 2016 at 4:04 pm

        Don’t do it during the Christmas season – it’s packed

        Reply
        • The Rambler says

          November 21, 2016 at 10:58 pm

          If you read the news one day about a crazy woman claiming to be Oprah trying to buy everyone coffee….you’ll know. Just look away. =)

          Reply
  3. thefrenchiemummy says

    November 22, 2016 at 11:29 am

    haha love this! I can imagine very well saying them all! Just in my dreams lol #happynowlinkup

    Reply
    • The Rambler says

      November 22, 2016 at 1:01 pm

      Thanks for the love today =) And yes, sadly…this is only in my dreams.

      Reply
  4. Janine Huldie says

    November 22, 2016 at 11:58 am

    Love this and would add that I was out spending a few grand shopping again LOL 😉

    Reply
    • The Rambler says

      November 22, 2016 at 12:57 pm

      We absolutely had fun doing this list! Going to make it a fun series now =) Oh, how I wish for that to come out of my mouth when shopping!

      Reply
  5. webmdiva says

    November 22, 2016 at 12:00 pm

    LOL! This post is life! I love the thermostat in the champagne room being broken. I’d like to add “I’ll take the Louboutins in every color.” 🙂 Happy #TIUT

    Reply
    • The Rambler says

      November 22, 2016 at 12:54 pm

      Hahaha! Love your addition. Because being filthy rich means you don’t have to decide which color to get…you can just get them all.

      Reply
  6. Lillian Abbey says

    November 22, 2016 at 10:06 pm

    hahaha this made me LOL. I would call everyone “dahling” with a fake British accent.

    Reply
    • The Rambler says

      November 22, 2016 at 11:14 pm

      Oh, I like that one, Dahling. =)

      Reply
  7. Twin Pickle says

    November 23, 2016 at 11:17 am

    The Champagne fridge is very important indeed. I often day dream about that Ab Fab fridge, I remember it clearly! #bestandworst

    Reply
  8. PopsBooMum says

    November 23, 2016 at 12:52 pm

    Lol Soooo enjoyed reading this….. just goes to show how much of a commoner I am, I can’t even get into the mindset of the filthy rich and come up with something to say! 🙂

    Reply
    • The Rambler says

      November 23, 2016 at 1:54 pm

      It totally took a combined effort to make this post happen. Thanks for visiting =)

      Reply
  9. Sarah Howe @runjumpscrap says

    November 23, 2016 at 1:17 pm

    This made me smile…just watching The Crown myself and not going to be able to watch it with a straight face now. I like the idea of champagne!! Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst xx

    Reply
    • The Rambler says

      November 23, 2016 at 1:55 pm

      I can’t wait for season 2. My in laws are from England and after watching the season, I was like…whoaaaa, you Brits are so scandalous =) haha.

      Reply
  10. Jen says

    November 23, 2016 at 4:47 pm

    Haha! I might be able to say these in sleep some night. My husband can just ignore me and put a pillow over his head.

    Reply
  11. barriebismark says

    November 23, 2016 at 10:56 pm

    Haha! Love this! I’d say…you put me in First Class 1A? WTF…you know I only like seat 2A on the plane.
    If only those were our problems. #madaboutblog

    Reply
    • The Rambler says

      November 23, 2016 at 11:22 pm

      And this is why we would have our own jets. haha. Thanks for visiting =)

      Reply
  12. Alana - Burnished Chaos says

    November 24, 2016 at 5:41 pm

    Ha ha, if only!
    #Bestandworst

    Reply
    • The Rambler says

      November 24, 2016 at 5:51 pm

      This list will be the closest I ever get to being filthy rich. WAHHHHHHH. =)

      Reply
  13. Jim Gromer says

    November 25, 2016 at 1:33 pm

    I found your blog on Top Mommy Blogs, and I love it (even though I’m a dad 🙂 It’s full of practical advice and really helpful hints!

    I’m a father of four and I recently wrote a parenting book myself. I hope it has some humble suggestions you could use on your awesome blog.

    The eBook is free on Amazon from 11/25 to 11/28 by searching: “How to Raise Great Kids – 101 Fun & Easy Ideas” or I’d be happy to send you a free paperback copy if you send me your address.

    ​I admire your work very much, and I hope you’ll appreciate mine someday soon, too. Thanks and keep up all your outstanding efforts!

    Hope you had a great Turkey Day!!!

    Reply
  14. playdatesparties says

    November 25, 2016 at 5:57 pm

    Batmobile…definitely. If we ever become filthy rich, I’ll let you know what we say (as if). Have a great weekend!

    Reply
    • The Rambler says

      November 27, 2016 at 7:30 pm

      Crossing fingers…we will one day be filthy rich.

      Reply
  15. Jaclyn Bree says

    November 27, 2016 at 2:56 am

    “Oh, Catalina Island is so cute! I’ll take it.” Rich people buying things that aren’t even for sale . . .

    Reply
    • The Rambler says

      November 27, 2016 at 7:27 pm

      bahahahaha….good one!!! I already bought it. (said the other rich person who clearly doesn’t care if islands aren’t for sale). love your comment =)

      Reply
  16. barriebismark says

    December 6, 2016 at 12:29 pm

    I have read this before…but I just love it! If only we had these problems, right!

    Reply
    • The Rambler says

      December 6, 2016 at 1:03 pm

      Something right if it gets another read =)

      Reply
  17. Coffee Mounds & Lipstick Clouds says

    December 6, 2016 at 12:42 pm

    Lmao Oprah called and is running late! Too funny and I would probably say all of these things if i were filthy rich. Thanks for haring on #TurnItUpTuesday

    Reply
    • The Rambler says

      December 6, 2016 at 1:02 pm

      Thanks for visiting =) Still not filthy rich…wahhhhhhh.

      Reply
  18. Jeanne says

    March 6, 2017 at 4:57 pm

    Such silliness…such a fun read. 🙂

    Reply

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A Lottle (little & a Lot) About Me

The Rambler

Aloha, I'm Selena, The Rambler of My Rambling Thoughts. A storyteller, wife & mother just trying to make it to the next day by hunting for the funny to stay sane! I inhale coffee to keep my brain functioning. I occasionally binge on Netflix. I beg my dog to just leave the toilet paper alone for one second when I'm using the potty, and I pray to all that is holy I can get through a homework session without breaking Google for whatever is making my child smarter for her future. And I humorously navigate my new life as a military spouse without embarrassing my husband wherever the Army sends us. Did I forget anything? Read More…

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