Closet of posts from blogs past.
Every once in a while…it’s good to regurgitate old posts that some have not seen. (Lucky you).
Original Post: October 20, 2010
Argh. I can’t help it.
I keep saying I’m “coming back” and then months go by and all you find in my bloggy space is cobwebs and rickety cupboards.
May. That is the LAST time I was here.
And it’s now friggin October.
Any that are left….how are you people? (Mammatalk…you totally prompted me to come on. One of the first blogs I really really got into.)
The new job has taken over any quality of life I had a grasp on and stomped and spit on it.
Le Sigh Deux. (Is that even french…deux, does that even mean 2…Eh, whatever)
I may have been gone, but MAN did I experience SO MANY blog moments that I wanted to share. It’s fitting I share something that is truly Rambler style.
I embarrass MYSELF for other peoples pleasure. So those who will gasp in disbelief when they see my name in their recent blog posts lists….here is what I’ll leave for you.
(God help me for sharing this story today)
So it’s time for my annual you know what? (said in a hushed whisper….the woman thing…the pap smear thing…yeah, THAT.)
It’s a new Doctor. I’ve never met her and I want to make a good impression.
We go through everything I may have concerns about. I talk like I’ve never had a friend before, and spill my 4 hour movie long life story.
And then it’s time to do the thing. I scoot my tosh to the edge. She says relax, I snicker inside and say “Sure, Aren’t I?”
I start up the sequel to my first movie and don’t hear her correctly when she says..
“Are you ready, I’m going to…….(halfway through some fantasy about being rich and never having to work again apparently is what was on my mind)….Ok?”
“Yah, Yah, Yah…I’m good”
Apparently the missing part I agreed to was just her warning that she needed to check (with her finger, mind you) the number 2 area. The poop shoot. The exit only zone for husband.
What the what?
I clenched so hard because I almost….
(wait for it)
(promise…it’s so Rambler)
When she said relax I just shook my head. For fear that if I spoke….I’d be ‘too relaxed’ if you know what I mean.
And then screamed at myself “Oh lord, even though she’s scraped the inside of your whoo-ha, please don’t embarrass yourself by farting in front of this nice woman doctor. Not on your first date visit.”
Like a woman I held it in.
….Until I got to my car half an hour later.
Geesus, what kind of lady do you think I am?
True friggin story.
Le Sigh…Trois. (I looked it up that time…that’s THREE in french )
Awesome right? (said so sarcastically)
Aloha, I’m Selena, The Rambler of My Rambling Thoughts. A storyteller, wife & mother just trying to make it to the next day by hunting for the funny to stay sane! I inhale coffee to keep my brain functioning. I occasionally binge on Netflix. I beg my dog to just leave the toilet paper alone for one second when I’m using the potty, and I pray to all that is holy I can get through a homework session without breaking Google for whatever is making my child smarter for her future. And I humorously navigate my new life as a military spouse without embarrassing my husband wherever the Army sends us. Did I forget anything?