Starting over again
So…life changes.
My life changed. And that change taught me I can definitely survive. I won’t go into details, but I do know why I got so immersed into this blog world. Why I held onto every single comment from anyone I didn’t know existed until they hit publish comment in my post.
Divorce. That ugly goddamn word. I swore up and down when my parents split, that hurtful word would NEVER end up as describing a part of my adult life. I would work harder, I would love harder, I would do what it takes. The reality, well MY reality,… was realizing, no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, hard you love, some people just don’t belong together. Forever.
I won’t talk about the ugly part of my separation cause who the hell cares about that…but yet the bitterly funny part of rejoining this world as a single person.
my first valentine’s post divorce
My first cynical single person moment was working my first holiday as a single person. Valentine’s Day and if you don’t recall, I work in a restaurant. I took phone call after phone call for reservations from men who just:
“love the one they are with” (Good for you, Gag),
“help me because I think I might propose” (Oh no..no no no no no…don’t flipping do it, Double Gag),
“my lady means the world to me” (Yeah, well, did I mention I don’t care, Triple Gag).
All this while oozing out of my mouth…
“How sweet, of course I want to help you dote genuinely sappy love adoration upon the woman who rocks your boat!”
Clearly, I drew the short stick for being the one fielding these types of calls in my emotional condition.
I wore all black that day and told my staff it represented my ninja like abilities to steer clear emotionally from the sickening displays of affection about to enter our doors for a full 14 hours of work.
I’m pretty sure I puked inside my own mouth when I had to help with the proposal. Then I sorta internally freaked out and thought I shouldn’t really touch anything they eat, drink or put on a finger.
What if my divorce vibes rubs off on them?
What if I lose the damn ring he begs me to help hide in something to bring out?
What if she blasts him with a fat NO, points at my face and screams ” I don’t want to end up like her” while I hold her whip cream dessert hiding the ring this man worked all year for with a stupid smile on my face that says…I get it…I don’t want you to end up like me either.
relax. breathe. don’t freak out.
Screeching back to THEIR reality…I smiled through that whole thing as his woman screamed yes, thanked me for being a part of it, and everyone nearby cheered for them.
That day sucked my soul dry. Being around a lot of love between man and woman, man and man, woman and woman…was too much for this newly single gal. BUT…I survived. Of course I did.
This year, I wasn’t so cynical. In fact, I wore a red shirt to celebrate the day.
I allowed myself to be more tolerable. To swim with my head above the water. (Albeit, screaming for a lifeline from the two romantically rowing a boat oblivious to the dramatic person drowning in ankle deep water.)
More things have changed for me this year also….I’m smiling more. But that’s for another post.
Can you be an Emotional Ninja Restaurant Manager and keep your sh*t together on #ValentinesDay? Click To Tweetxoxo-Selena
Original post dated Sept. 8, 2014
Linking up with all these great linky parties here!
Aloha, I’m Selena, The Rambler of My Rambling Thoughts. A storyteller, wife & mother just trying to make it to the next day by hunting for the funny to stay sane! I inhale coffee to keep my brain functioning. I occasionally binge on Netflix. I beg my dog to just leave the toilet paper alone for one second when I’m using the potty, and I pray to all that is holy I can get through a homework session without breaking Google for whatever is making my child smarter for her future. And I humorously navigate my new life as a military spouse without embarrassing my husband wherever the Army sends us. Did I forget anything?
VALENTINE’S DAY IS A ROUGH HOLIDAY IF YOU’RE SINGLE (UNLESS YOU JUST DON’T CARE) OR YES, IF YOU’RE SEPARATED OR NEWLY DIVORCED. BEEN THERE, DONE THAT! IT DEF. GETS BETTER, THOUGH! AND NOW I’M REMARRIED AND MUCH HAPPIER AND I CAN ENJOY THE DAY MUCH MORE! 🙂
CARRIE
CURLYCRAFTYMOM.COM
Totally =) Now remarried myself, it was interesting to reflect on this time.
Being single is tough…trust me I know. I spend time with friends on Valentine’s day so I’m not at home drowning in my sorrow. I’m so happy you have found love again! 🙂
Thank you! I’m happy that I was fortunate to find love again as well!
Oh wow! You definitely are an emotional ninja, well done for coping. We all know that this type of pain doesn’t last though and I’m glad you are happier now. I’m looking forward to my first Valentines Day as a newly married woman. I’ve been with my partner for 16 years but he stopped with the mushy stuff many years ago. Maybe he’ll surprise me this year, or maybe I’ll have to be an emotional ninja if he doesn’t. After all, he’s a pretty brilliant bloke, he’s definitely going to get a treat from me (shh!)
Oh my quite the job on Valentine’s Day. You earned ninja status on that day my friend! I am glad more happy has been a part of other celebrations on that day. I always wear red 🙂
Hi Selena, that must have been a very testing shift in the restaurant for you, I’m not sure I could have held back the cynicism. I hope those days are long behind you and that this year you can enjoy Valentine’s Day, even if you buy the chocolates yourself.
Thank you for linking up with the #MMBC.
xx
I can’t imagine how hard that must have been at the time! So happy you found love again! 🙂
Ugh. Valentine’s Day proposals. I thought they were cheesy & stupid even when I was singly & silly. Divorce sucks. I’m sorry you had to endure it as a child and I’m sorry you had to endure going through it as an adult. Yet, congratulations for making it through that experience with grace. It’s not easy to do, and clearly you’re doing much better these days.
I also survived divorce and have a lot of good laughs about it now that it’s far, far, far back in my rear view. I hate Vday proposals. Christmas ones too. Be original, people! 😉
I can’t imagine how that Valentine’s Day must have felt. I’m perpetually single and it would have depressed me, but to be dealing with the holiday post-divorce? I applaud you for your strength dealing with that one! I’m glad this year is better.
-Lauren
http://www.shootingstarsmag.blogspot.com
Wow. I can’t imagine a more difficult place to work and a harder scenario for your first post-divorce Valentine’s Day… glad you made it through!