Creatures of any kind FREAK me out. I mentioned previously we currently live in Louisiana.
These things whisk webs fast. They are ninjas. Because no one would walk into one knowingly.
I’ve battled with one recently and won. Trust me, it wasn’t pretty and it took many text messages and batman signals in the sky of distress to Prince Charming (the hubby) and my Bestie First Army Spouse Friend (BFASF).
**SIDEBAR: The ARMY uses acronyms for everything you can look here. NOTHING is just said all the way out. One letter off and you could be talking about the toilets cleaning schedule or going to the wrong place. Haha…I kid, no but really, it’s a new way to speak for someone from the outside.
Back to me, I killed this tiny furry 8 legged varmint with my sink sprayer water thing, a Tupperware and a cup.
Jokingly with worry, I might have said it’s family would find me to seek it’s revenge. Tip toe’ing around with my holy water and sleep in a plastic bubble until I felt safe again would be my game.
Always looking over my shoulder
Fast Forward to today. I was on the treadmill at the community gym, trying to keep my Fitbit steps on point. Out of the corner of my eye, a black arachnid (I googled that) scurried so fast from one end of the room toward my treadmill. Instead of continuing through, to the other side of the room, (isn’t that rational to think it was going from one end to the next?) it stayed UNDER my now machine of doom.
It took EEEEverything in me to finish the rest of my treadmill workout. This had to be a family member of the spider I killed months ago.
I considered telling the woman 2 workout equipments down from me that if I scream and bounce off the treadmill, it’s because a spider hunted for me and spiraled for my face from the speed of the treadmill belt. Then I reconsidered it. She was in her workout zone. I wondered if I did freak out on the treadmill, how that might freak her out…so I reconsidered again. I struggled. Tell her, don’t tell her.
I didn’t tell her. Sure that she was probably a spider whisperer and she would tell me they are misunderstood critters. Whatevs. (eye roll as to not understanding the severity of our situation while burning calories). Yup. I had an imaginary argument with her in my head.
And then my workout timer beeped saying snap out of it. I wiped the handles down that had so much of my anxiety sweat on it. And exit’ed stage left so as to not alarm the nice woman actually enjoying her workout.
I know.. I could have just got off the dang machine when I saw it….but then, maybe that’s what the spider wanted.
May the power of Christ compel you spider!!!
Aloha, I’m Selena, The Rambler of My Rambling Thoughts. A storyteller, wife & mother just trying to make it to the next day by hunting for the funny to stay sane! I inhale coffee to keep my brain functioning. I occasionally binge on Netflix. I beg my dog to just leave the toilet paper alone for one second when I’m using the potty, and I pray to all that is holy I can get through a homework session without breaking Google for whatever is making my child smarter for her future. And I humorously navigate my new life as a military spouse without embarrassing my husband wherever the Army sends us. Did I forget anything?